Friday, October 29, 2010

...searching for...

Life has taken a toll and although I feel that I have a lot on my my mind, I just can't seem to find that energy to write....and I miss it! much going on yet nothing going on at the same time...

Life and I need to sit down and have a serious heart to heart....

I can't expect things to change by themselves...I have to muster up the energy and courage to MAKE the life I see when I close my eyes.

Thursday, February 18, 2010

Young love…full of promise, full of hope…ignorant of reality!

Seeing as how the infamous V-Day fell on a weekend this year, Friday’s mood at school was all about hearts and flowers, cards and candy grams all stating “Will you be my Valentines?” Young love…full of promise, full of hope…ignorant of reality!

As I was in class, one of the students comes up to and says “Miss Diaz I am on a serious mission today!” curious as I am I ask him to explain this serious mission he is undertaking…he proceed to explain how there is this girl that he likes that just happens to attend a neighboring school. He wants to impress her and decided that during lunch he is going to rush over to her lady friends’ school and drop off a bouquet of roses and a homemade card (yesss I said HOMEMADE)…

What a well thought out plan! So I stated that this young lady must be really special for him to go to all this fuss. There was no hesitation in his “YES”…”I have saved my lunch money for days just to get her the flowers and my cousin is coming over to drive me to her school.”…

This young man went out of his way to MAKE this girl a card, with construction paper and markers, which expressed how he felt about her. He saved his lunch money for days in order to buy her flowers. He made his cousin pick him up during lunch so that he could go surprise this young lady. All to ask her to “be my Valentines”…
I asked him if he thought that he would always be this detailed and romantic…again, there was no hesitation in his “YES” reply…”I have always been like this and will always be like this”….

Young Love…Full of Promise, Full of Hope…Ignorant of Reality…or is it that we as adults are just a little more skeptical and jaded???

Maybe we are skeptical and a bit jaded…but it wasn’t always like this; I remember that feeling of butterflies in my stomach, waking up to the thought of someone and falling asleep with that person in my thoughts. Listening to Boyz II Men songs and just getting lost in my own thoughts. There are countless diary entries to prove that I was once part of that “Young Love, Full of Promise, Full of Hope, Ignorant of Reality” crowd…

But man has it been a while!!

What is it that has happened since those days that has made me a little more skeptical about the explosion of Love??


Life has happened. That life that has lead to this entry in which I reminisce about first Loves and first heartbreaks, which in a way go hand in hand. With maturity comes experiences, good choices, bad choices, maybe a regret or two or three…but all of these things equate to growth and wisdom. We learn from experiences. Once we make a bad choice we learn not to make it again, right? Well not exactly! When it comes to emotions and matters of the heart, sometimes we choose to gamble over and over. I’ve gambled and lost many times. Each loss brings feelings of frustration and disillusion; those feelings only lead to questioning why the hell I keep putting myself in the line of fire!!

My answer to that: Because That Line of Fire Has Yet to KILL Me!!! Has it hurt? Yes. Do I feel like closing my heart off from potential pain? Yes. Has it at times made me feel comfortably numb? Yes. Have I lost my faith in Love? NO! How can I not believe that One Day It Will All Make Sense!!!
I am a Warrior in this insanity of a life.

Paulo Coelho said it best:

For the warrior there is no such thing as an impossible love.
He is not intimidated by silence, indifference or rejection. He knows that, behind the mask of ice that people wear, there beats a heart of fire.
This is why the warrior takes more risks than other people. He is constantly seeking the love of someone, even if that means often having to hear the word 'No', returning home defeated and feeling rejected in body and soul.
A warrior never gives in to fear when he is searching for what he needs. Without love, he is nothing.

I talk so much about this because these are the types of experiences that life has thrown my way. How can I not let my pen bleed?!?!?!

Nobody said it was easy. No one ever said it would be so hard. But this is what it’s about!!

The wisdom to know that even though it will never be exactly the same as what I experienced as a youthful teenager; the “butterfly in the stomach” feelings are part of the endless possibilities!

I truly hope that that student never loses that enthusiasm for the possibility of Love! I’m sure that he will endure feelings of frustrations and disillusions, but to this day No One Has Ever Died From A Broken Heart!

I can’t help but reminisce about the first and only real time I fell in love that coincided with the first and only real time I truly experienced a broken heart.

Time has left a mark that can’t be erased.

Hope keeps us going but the pain stays to remind us and to motivate us. {Well said Mr. Blake}

Monday, January 11, 2010

Absorbing Every Moment...

It’s funny, yet sad that people do not live in the moment and absorb every little detail that life offers us. The beautiful sunrises at 5:30 in the mornings, the sight of the ocean, the smell of a delicious meal…these little things all mean something…it means that we are alive and meant to enjoy all these small little details!!!

People get so absorbed with what they have to get done tomorrow, next month, next year, five years from now…in the end not realizing that life has passed them by without enjoying the NOW!!! They put all their emphasis on all these money making ventures and “saving for a rainy day”…expensive houses, cars, designer labels, having only the finer things in life. I’m not saying that those are bad things and that one should not try to achieve those things, if it is what they want….but what happens to enjoying the simple things like a cup of coffee and a long conversation with an awesome person…or a bike ride along Venice Beach on a Tuesday afternoon. These little things make life worth everything. Everyone should stop for a second in their quest to conquer the world and take a moment just to enjoy where they are right then and there. Absorb every single thing about the now so that years down the line you don’t wonder what ever happened to those days.

Life is not infinite. Life is, in reality, finite.

Maybe it was the way in which I was brought up, having the type of liberal, yet nurturing parents that have lead me to become AND embrace the free-spirited female that I am. I live for today and hope that the decisions I make, the people I encounter, the experiences I obtain will only influence the adventures I have yet to embark on.

I will never be that woman who settles into a life that does not belong to her; a corporate woman, an unhappily married woman, a sexually frustrated woman, a woman who drives a mini-van (GOD FORBID!) a woman that does not know this immense world that is out there. I don’t do things because others think it’s cool, or because it is what everyone is doing. I follow my own plan and expect that those individuals who love me will respect my unconventional ways.

I yearn for adventure. I want to experience these treasured moments that come with everyday life. Simple things. Magical things. I’ve been extremely lucky to have had these types of moments … not only in my everyday life but also due to my travels! Anyone who knows me knows that my passion for travel in intense. My hunger to experience the world in insatiable. I love cultures, languages, cuisine…I can’t get enough of it!! I want to just wander this planet and get lost in the beautiful places that exist. My comfort in doing this is that I can always come back home. I will always have a place here in my city…my city of Los Angeles. The city I LOVE!!!
There is a difference between being a tourist and a traveler. I am a traveler!!! I embrace the cultures I come upon. I become one of them, a local… I eat what they eat, I talk the language they talk (or I try my hardest)…I soak it all up! I’ve never expected these people from these places to cater to me because I am from the US, I don’t stay in expensive hotels, eat in the finest restaurants, or go to all the touristy places…trust me…the most memorable moments have not been in these type of places.

My most treasured moments, both throughout my travels and in my every day, life include simple things like…

~ Sunday breakfast with my family.
~playing with my cat.
~ the drum circle.
~ reading a book by my favorite author, Paulo Coelho.
~ eating a baguette with a coke outside Notre Dame.
~ seeing the Tour Eiffel and having it be like a religious experience.
~ getting lost in the streets of Paris…on purpose.
~ having a random guy in Paris draw a picture of me while talking about Brasilian soccer…and the drawing looked nothing like me!!!
~ eating crepes at a little café all by myself and just observing the people.
~ taking the train across Paris stopping in various little country sides.
~ having a Parisian lady ask ME for directions… and actually giving them to her… IN FRENCH!!
~ teaching a group of teenagers from Spain the meaning of the term “What’s crack-a-lackin” ….HILARIOUS!!!!
~ falling in love with everything Tuscany has to offer.
~ walking the streets of Florence eating gelato.
~ seeing the country side of Switzerland.
~ letting the ocean water run through my feet in El Salvador
~ the relaxation that is my aunts house in Soyapango
~ having the best pupusas in a hole-in-the-wall spot
~ hanging out with my precious abuelita.

…trust me….the list can go on and on…and it will only increase!!!

Summer 2008 & 2009 were some of the most amazing summers I’ve ever had…meeting the people I met from all over Europe…and Hong Kong… and Mexico. Knowing that when I go to these amazing places I have a place to stay and friends to call.

I don’t take for granted these moments and nothing I have ever done has been a waste. In the end I know that these are things that make me happy. I am living in the NOW and embracing everything and everyone in my life. There is no limit to the adventures I hope to have. I might not be saving for a rainy day…because I am too busy soaking up the sun!!!

My life is so unplanned right now and it feels good because that means my possibilities are endless!!! Who knows what awaits this free-spirited female….maybe teaching in Korea, or Madrid, or Bolivia…who knows!!!

I don’t have the right to tell anyone how to live their life, nor do I want to be that person! The point to all of this is to take a moment in your everyday life and stop to truly enjoy it… whatever it may be!!!

Yenifer Minerva Diaz